The need to be free

Magus Luna 2 is tomorrow. Actually it is today, cuz its already 1.45am. I dont know why I'm up, but I just cant go to bed yet, cuz my mind is in a flurry. Theres just so much going on inside, so much has been going on for the past week. Its just overwhelming, and I need a outlet for all my thoughts, otherwise, I'm just gonna go mad.

I met up with Priya last saturday to get the cloth for Magus Luna 2, I was pretty exhausted that day, but looking back and comparing the state I am in now, I would have to say that I was still very much okay then. Once Monday came, everything has happened so fast. We didnt get much done on monday, then what was supposed to be completed on Monday dragged on to Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Being the organiser of the show, and being the first show ever that I'm in charge of, you can pretty well imagine how I was feeling. Actually come to think of it, on Wednesday I reached a stage of numbness. I guess it was the stress of the setbacks coupled with the lack of sleep that caused the numbness. I was walking about, talking, getting things done, rehearsing, but it just didnt feel like me. It was like as though I was watching myself do all this from an external point of view. Then there were drastic measures that I had to take, which resulted in conflicts, but I suppose it wasnt uncalled for. I probably would have reacted the same way. Im just glad that they were professional enough to resolve it. I dont know how I could have gone on without some of them.

Without Kay and Fadzley, the set would have looked horrendous. Without Ashwin, I dont think we could have got the technical stuff sorted out as quickly, oh and I also have to thank him for keeping my sanity at times. Without Mas, I probably could not have managed the performers as well. And without Priya, I would have just crumbled under the workload. Its supposed to be Priya and my production officially, but honestly it is their production as much as it is ours.

Now back to my state during production week. Things started to get better on thursday, I was beginning to see the beacon of light, slim and faint but visible nevertheless. Then when I got home, I had some other admin stuff to do, so I ended up sleeping at 3am again. Even then, I couldnt get a good night's rest. I had really weird dreams and nightmares of being chased down a huge shopping mall by some psychotic killers, and I was running thru the aisles, pushing a friend in a trolley. I forgot who was there in my dream. Anyway, I got awakened with a call from Cat. Haha that was pretty funny. She was like "Hello Mato. Sorry to bother you so early in the morning like that." in a very pleasant tone. Then she went on to scold me abt leaving our stuff all over the corridor. Sigh... anyway Im sorry Cat if you are reading this. So I quickly got up, brushed my teeth, bathed, put some clothes on, didn't even bother shaving or gelling my hair or wearing my contacts. I was out of the house in like 20mins. Then I had to wait for 15mins for a friggin cab. Which is surprising, considering how there is always an abundant supply of cabs around my area. I reached design space, and together with Mas, Kay and the Nadi Crew folks,cleaned up the corridor and the stage. Thanks Nadi Crew!

Then we realised that there was a little bit of paint on the floor, and if Cat found out about it, she would probably flip! So Elias and I went down to the paint shop to get turpentine. Afterwards, we went to the barber, and I shaved my head. Then we went back and worked worked and rehearsed. Things are much better now. But theres still room for improvement. I think the cast is awesome, they pick up quickly, except that they are too bloody noisy backstage, but nevermind I hope they will be on their best behaviour tomorrow, otherwise I'll kill them. I swear! I'll friggin drag them backstage, stab them in their thighs repeatedly and puncture the major artery there and watch them bleed to death, all the while screaming "You like to make noise backstage right! Nah! Make all the fuckin noise u want!"

But aiyah, I hope everything goes well tomorrow man. I have confidence in us. Just hope there are no screw ups tomorrow. Im gonna sleep now. Till I write again, Goodnight.