The Wolf who cried Boy.

Hey there, once again. I have so much to write but so little time. I guess I'll just write.

I was in the MRT on my way to Orchard a few days back, feeling a little sleepy. Actually a little is an understatement. I was literally dozing off whilst standing up. A really dangerous stunt so dont try it at home kids. Well actually go ahead and try it at home, but not when ure in the train. Anyway, I passed by Newton and my sleepy brain actually began thinking. Its amazing isnt it? My brain actually works! I began questioning the name Newton. I came to a conclusion that its a really weird name to name a place in Singapore. I mean NEWTON! I kept pondering over it for the next few minutes, and then I heard the sexy voice of the MRT lady say "Orchard". Then it all made sense. Heres my theory. Its a SCAM! A joint scam by the Singapore Tourism Board and the government. It all makes sense. The government strategically named these two places such since they are so close each other. They masterminded the whole scam and left it to tour agencies to finish the job. However their plan backfired because people are stupid.If everything had gone as planned, Tours around these areas would sound something like this.

Tour guide: We are now at Newton, the birthplace of the famous Sir Isaac Newton. It is here, where he grew up and occasionally got whacked up by the other kids for being such a nerd.

*Gasps from tourists*

Tour guide: Next stop, Orchard. The place he was when an apple fell and hit him on his head.

Does it make sense now? Im starting my tour agency tomorrow. I'll rent bikes to tourists and make them cycle with me around Singapore. Anyway, heres a story I thought about at work yesterday.

The Wolf Who Cried Boy

Far, far away, in the land of Haivenmaven there lived a whole tribe of wolves. They were all mean wolves who ate people for breakfast,lunch and dinner. They just had tea and biscuits for supper. Anyway, these wolves lived in caves in the mountains. Now my story revolves around this particular family of wolves. They consisted of Mother Wolf, Father Wolf, Mistress Wolf, Wolf Junior, Wolf Junior(II) and Accidental Wolf Junior. They were really a psychotic family. For instance, they were the only crazy wolves who had a Hi-Fi system in their cave. Which was totally a waste since they only ever played one song, which went "I'LL EAT YOU ALIVE! I'LL EAT YOU AAAALLLLIIIIIVVVEEEEEEE!". These crazy wolves used to blast this song while dancing around the helpless human being who was about to get eaten.

These wolves were really chomping down on humans. The human population around that area was rapidly decreasing. One day, news reached the wolves in mountains that a hunter was out looking for them. All the sensible wolves stayed inside their caves, and locked their imaginary doors. So that leaves us with the psychotic wolf family. They decided to eat out that night, and felt like hunter meat. So they all trotted along on their prowl for the hunter. After a few hours, they spotted him treading ever so cautiously on the broken twigs and dead leaves on the forest floor. Father wolf sprang up and howled. With a swift turn, the hunter aimed, shot and killed Father wolf in mid-air. Then mother and mistress wolf sprang up in unison, and collided in mid-air. They felt the ground for the last time, before the hunter fired two shots each at them. The kids were terrified. So they followed the breadcrumb tracks they made, back to their cave.

Life was tough for the little wolves as orphans. They were unable to get enough food since they were inexperienced in hunting. The severe lack of food caused Accidental Wolf Junior to go slightly beserk. He decided to play a prank on all the other wolves.

One fine Saturday morning, he went right across towards the boundaries of the forest and started howling "Wake up fellow Wolfeses. Theres a delicious boy behind those trees. First come first served!". The other wolves woke up and since they were still very groggy, they did not question his credibility. On thinking of the prospect of having scrambled boy for breakfast, they ran down to the base of the mountain and ran into the woods and searched for an hour for the boy while Accidental Wolf Junior went up to their houses and helped himself to their spare food and brought home supplies. The wolves were very angry when they found out he lied but took pity on him since he was retarded.

He made this a habbit. He would often go to various locations and "cry boy". Fewer and fewer wolves responded to his cries untill one day, he was left standing there yelling to himself alone. Now he couldnt go up and steal supplies anymore since the other wolves were immune to his cries.

Two days later, he was walking along the outskirts of the forest again, when he heard voices. He poked his snout through the bramble bush and sniffed. His keen nose detected dried perspiration on sweet skin, and someone's fart. He pushed his furry face through and saw a bunch of scouts picnicking in the woods. He ran off to the other side of the mountains and howled so that only the wolves could hear him. "Boys! Boys! Many boys! In the forest! Wake up and come down!". A few wolves came out and yelled and cursed at him. He decided that it just meant a lot more for him and his brothers. He crept sneakily into the forest, positioned himself and ponced high up and landed on a fat eight-year-old. He told him to go and sit in the corner and wait for him. Which is what the fat boy did. One by one he pounced on all of them and then led them back up to his cave whilst all the other wolves watched on. He killed all of those scouts, with the help of his brothers and they had a mighty fine dinner that evening. The best part is, after that day, all the other wolves always responded to his "boy cries" and ran down to where he said they were. Accidental Wolf Junior would then go up and help himself to their food. This went on for many years, since wolves are really stupid, and Accidental Wolf Junior, and his brothers lived happily ever after, growing fat on all the stolen food.

The moral of the story is, If you cant get what you want on your own merit, then cheating is a superb alternative. Cheating is a profession practiced by many but mastered by few. If you can master the art of cheating, you will never grow hungry.