Goodbye 2005

Okay people... I know I havent updated in like 3-4 months now. I apologise but I'm just really really lazy. The thought of blogging is just so mentally tiring. I get tired before I even start and hence decide to put it off to another day. I guess its because I am so long winded and give super long introductions that are irrelevant to the post like what I'm doing now. So moving on, I actually did attempt to write a New Year post. Here is the little that I managed to write:

Yet another year has come to an end. This has been a wonderful year for me. It started off with me working for a couple of months at an uncles computer shop, where I learnt a lot. I used the skills I learnt there to make some money for myself repairing other ppls computer. Although I wasnt earning very much, It was pretty fun at that place. I worked with what I love(computers), I made some money, got electrocuted at least once everyday, and met very interesting people (Refer to post on "The curse of the Jiggerbyte man").

Then came the o level results. I remember pacing up and down the bus stop. My nerves were killing me....

(Ends Here)

So anyway, just to update you guys on whats been happening. This entire term has been really pressure-rising(Pun intended). The pressure just kept building up with the deadlines and the presentations and the peer appraisals and the exams almost immediately after. But I somehow managed and have emerged from the battle. Didnt do too well for the exams though. Although I cleared everything, My GPA wasnt a very nice figure.

Lucky(My Hamster), died on tuesday(14/03/06). I got home from drama rehearsal and saw her in her little house she sleeps in... dead! She was just lying there with her eyes closed, and with ants all over her soft, shiny fur. It was a painful sight. It did not come as a shock to me though. I had a feeling her time was coming and used to poke her when she was sleeping often to make sure she wasnt dead. She was just bidding her time I guess. I had a nice funeral for her. Cycled to lower pierce where I found her and burried her there. Delivered my eulogy and then covered her with leaves. It felt good... gave me a sense of closure. Well then Lucky... I will miss you! Thanks for giving me the chance to have your company for a few years.

Death is pretty amazing isnt it. You know it will come one day. You know that it can come anytime and very often you keep reminding yourself that it might come unexpectedly, but still when it finally arrives, it swoops down really fast and wipes the essence of life out of the being and soars up away, leaving you to deal with the aftermath. People deal with death in a variety of manners. There are those who weep hysterically and those who just look blank and lost and the others fall somewhere between the two extremes. But one thing for sure is that it leaves us with a very heavy heart. It leaves us to recollect the time spent with the deceased, to reflect on the good and bad times. Then comes the harshest phase. The period where you look at the bad times you had. The arguments and the times where you said something hurtful to the deceased. Then comes a really heavy guilt trip. Its part of the grieving process I guess and perhaps every one of those stages has its significance. Well whatever it is, I will miss Lucky. Im not sure for how long because time heals all things and slowly I will start thinking of her less. I dont want to, but it will happen. Thats another issue.

I think that is what Im afraid of, being forgotten. Im not afraid of death because it will have to come. I often console myself with the thought that even if I have to suffer before death, death will come and then there will be no more suffering. I just dont like the idea of my identity, my contributions, my impressions being forgotten, like as if I never even existed. But it will happen. It has to happen one day. Maybe it is a good thing. Perhaps it is vital for earth and humanity. Just like the cells of a body, it is 'born', serves its purpose and then falls off only to be replaced by a new cell. The new cell cannot emerge without the old cell falling off. Imagine if the old cell becomes greedy and selfish and says that he doesnt want to leave because he helped shape the body and therefore shouldnt be 'forgotten' just like that. The entire body would remain in the same form, not growing, not changing, not evolving. I guess Im just being that greedy cell. Wanting to be rewarded for my little contribution to the body. How silly of me.

I must say it feels good to start blogging again. Im gonna do it more often now. Id love to continue writing, but Im like really sleepy and on the brink of unconsciousness. Cant really string sentences together anymore... I think i really better stop bed and go to writing. Hahahaha! Well... goodnite every1!